Fun with Telemarketers

The main reason I needed to start this page was for my new hobby -pestering telemarketers. Here’s the story. For the last 9 or so days I’ve been getting a call everynight from a company wanting me to join their childrens book club. If I join I get two free books and a backpack. Now, I could use a crappy backpack, but I don’t know what I’d do with the book (short of putting them in the backpack and pretending like I’m walking to school).

For several days these guys call and I decline. The very first day I said I had a retarded uncle who might like wearing the backpack on his head, but I wasn’t interested. But still these bastards won’t take no for an answer. I decided it was time to waste their time.

The phone rings and I notice it was their number on the Caller ID. I pick up the phone and shout “Please hold please!” into the handset and start flipping on the audio gear. I decided I’m going to act like the retarded uncle on the phone and record it.

Here is the result.


Because the woman on the phone called me “Mr. Garland”, this will be the name of my half-wit, retarded alter-ego. I had so much fun with this, I decided I was going to do this every chance I could on an incoming telemarketer call.

That was March 9th, but the following happened the next day.


Files are low quality, 32 kpbs, mp3s. Sometime I might figure out a better place to keep these and I’ll upload better quality. But for now, that’s all you get.

Now here’s the weird side effect of these calls. Notice how the telemarketers continue to push “Mr. Garland” into a sale. For all they know Mr. Garland is Rainman’s mentally challenged, dumber brother –No, not Tom Cruise. This sort of takes my little experiment to another level. I’ll see how much of their time I can waste and we’ll learn how slimy these bastards REALLY are.

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