For the record, this isn’t a BLAG, or BLOUG, or whatever those crazy kids are calling web logs these days. This is just a place to put my crap, that’s it. nothing more. From time to time I’ll put in a dated entry of nonsensical ramblings or perhaps copy something I’ve written on a message board to this page, but it ain’t no BLOOG. Ummm.. BLUG. Eeeer, BELUGA.
I also realized this is a place I can post new Sam the Action Man comics. For those new to Sam the Action Man, he has quite a history (which I will tell you now).
It started years ago on the old mp3.com message boards. Some magical troll posted one day with the name Sam the Action Man. His trollish style was a thing of beauty. He started asking very nicely if anyone could help him with installing his brand new Sound Blaster Live card he received as a birthday gift. Several people offered perhaps he should check his sound card drivers. Oh boy, that set him off. “What do you think I am a fucking idiot?? I’m not stupid. You’re just saying this because I’m polish and Americans all think the Polish are stupid.”
Then he’d calm down, pull more people in, and pop again. It was a work of art. Sadly, Sam was banned from the message board and we all missed him.
Of course, this prompted me to draw a little comic of it.
Before long, my version of Sam the Action Man had music up on mp3.com -techno greats like “Sexy Robot Love Turnip”.
Robot Love Turnip
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-Robot-Love-Turnip.mp3]
LoveSexyCallWaiting
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-Lovesexycallwaiting.mp3]
Soul Love Turnip
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-Soul-Love-Turnip.mp3]
Love Turnip Sexy Robot
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-Love-Turnip-Sexy-Robot.mp3]
Soon after, Sam the Action Man got into spoken word pieces. “I really hate you” and “I am a tuna sandwich” were pure poetic brutality.
I Really Hate You
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-I-Really-Hate-You.mp3]
I Am A Tuna Sandwich
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-I-Am-A-Tuna-Sandwich.mp3]
French Fries
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-French-Fries.mp3]
Get Rich
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-Get-Rich.mp3]
You Are Just Stupid
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-You-Are-Just-Stupid.mp3]
The Town I Lived In
[audio:http://www.sevengraylands.com/brain/wp-content/uploads/2004/01/Sam-The-Action-Man-The-Town-I-Lived-in.mp3]
SIDE NOTE: The last one, “The Town I Lived In”, I actually liked as poetic content and decided to stop doing Sam Poetry and started working on some spoken word pieces of my own. The Town I Lived In was the first one I recorded as myself.
But then something happened, Sam the Action Man turned into a tweaked paranoid religious freak and was renamed Samual 14. Samual 14 had several hours of the worst music you’ve ever heard. The most popular tracks on mp3.com were “Baby’s Marimba Nightmare”, “BabyChainsaw” and “DrumChickenSnoreBabyTalk”. Shortly after, Samual 14 started releasing albums on mp3.com. “I’ve got Enya’s eyes in a sack” and “It still burns when I pee” where the top sellers (not really).
You see, by that time I had grown to hate mp3.com and little did most people know Samual 14 was designed to waste as much server space on mp3.com as I could -which would explain why almost all of the Samual 14 tracks were 15 to 20 minutes long. I, errrrr, Samual 14, was also known to e-mail extreme religious right websites with his knowledge of “the man demon”. One day, I’ll re-post some of this nonsensical writing here.
So where was I? Oh yeah. People have asked I revive Sam the Action Man because I haven’t done any for some time. Some sick people have asked I revive Samual 14 as well, but that has yet to be seen. So, when I get time, I’ll make some new silly Sam the Action Man comics and post them here. I’ll also bring the old comics over to this page.
(Note: mp3.com made a mistake in Samual 14’s Artist Cash and that account ended up with enough money to buy 10+ Samual 14 CD’s. Perhaps one day I’ll have a contest and give some away.)
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