Out of the blue I received an email. Or should I say, the email dreams are made of.
I am Dr.Steve Khoza, a native of Cape Town in South Africa and I am an Executive accountant with the South Africa Department of Minerals & Energy First and Foremost my apology, for using this medium to reach you, for a transaction/business of this nature. Be informed that a member of the South Africa export Promotion Council (SEPC) who was at the Government delegation to your country during a trade exhibition gave your enviable credentials/particulars to me. I have decided to seek a confidential cooperation with you in the execution of the deal described hereunder for the benefit of all parties and hope you will keep it as a top secret because of the nature of this transaction.
Within the department of Minerals & Energy where I work as an executive accountant and with the cooperation of four other top officials, we have in our possession as overdue payments bills totalling twenty-one million, five Hundred thousand U.S Dollars ($21,500,000) which we want to transfer abroad with the assistance and cooperation of a foreign company/individual to receive the said funds on our behalf or a reliable foreign company account to receive such funds. More so, we are handicapped in the circumstances, as the South Africa Code of Conduct does not allow us to operate offshore account hence your importance in the whole transaction. This amount $21.5m represents the balance of the total contract value executed on behalf of my department by a foreign contracting firm, which we the officials over-invoiced deliberately. Though the actual contract cost have been paid to the original contractor, leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount which we have in principles gotten approval to remit by Telegraphic transfer (TT) to any foreign bank account you will provide by filing in an application through the Justice Ministry here in South Africa for the transfer of rights and privileges of the former contractor to you.
I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that should you be willing to assist us in the transaction your share of the sum will be 30% of the $21,5 million, 60% for us and 10% for taxation and miscellaneous expenses. The business itself is 100% safe, on your part provided you treat it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality. Also your area of specialization is not a hindrance to the successful execution of this transaction. I have reposed my confidence in you and hope that you will not disappoint me. Endeavour to contact me immediately through my email address email@example.com whether or not you are interested in this deal. If you are not, it will enable me scout for another foreign partner to carry out this deal. I want to assure you that my partners and myself are in a position to make the payment of this claim possible provided you can give us a very strong assurance and guarantee that our share will be secured and please remember to treat this matter as very confidential, because we will not comprehend with any form of exposure as we are still in active Government Service and remember once again that time is of the essence in this business.
I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation.
Dr. Steve Khoza.
That’s right sucka. 30 percent of 21.5 million is 6.4 million dol…. errr.. Wait.
I got FIVE MILLION BUCKS waiting for me in South Africa! I’m all over this business deal like soup on crackers. I respond:
I would be more then happy to assist you in your needs. Please inform of what you need from me.
CEO Garland Medical Supply Inc.
A few days later, Dr Steve replies.
We acknowledge with all pleasure the receipt of your mail in response to a our proposal in which you indicated your positive disposition for your assistance.l hereby,convey the acceptance of my colleagues that I continue discussions with you untill the completion of this mutual beneficial project.If you truly interested.
We are five-man members with the South Africa Department of Mineral and Energy(SADME) vested with the authority to appraise and approve contracts according to the priority of the Government of South Africa. We are also the body empowered with the statutory responsibility of giving advice on all issues pertaining to previous foreign contracts payment.We have been given the kind of position people wait a lifetime to attain.Our good fortune is that we have been given the responsibility of deciding which claims are legitimate and which are not.So you can rest assured that everything concerning this transaction will be done legally.
We have the necessary contacts and have also made financial provisions to ensure that all possible bottlenecks at our end will be sorted out, Be rest assured that this project is risk free and fulll proof to all intents and purposes being a Director at this Ministry.You must understand that this kind of money can change a mans life and we do not want this opportunity to pass us by. It is our hopes that you will be instrumental in assisting us achieve our dreams.
To commence this project, with your banking information, we shall putup a payment claims application to the Ministry of Mineral & Energy issuing the mandatory fund release approval/recommendations in your favor prior to the remittance of the funds to your nominated bank account. We shall also register your company and pay the necessary taxes for this over here as required by law. All these shall be backdated. On paper, we shall ensure that it appears you/your company has been doing contracts with the Ministy.
This is the most important aspect of the project because it is at this stage that the all-important and vital fund release Approval/Recommendations from the Ministry of Finance are issued. Once they are issued, it means that over 80% of the processes of the fund transfer have been concluded. However, you can be rest assured that we have set up perfect machinery in motion to ensure that they are issued in your favor without fail.In fact my colleagues who are respective Directors-General in charge of the respective Ministries responsible for the issuance of these funds release Approvals/Recommendations have committed themselves to issuing these approvals.
From our enquiries so far, we were reliably informed that in accordance with foreign payments regulations and guidelines beneficiaries at the final stage of their contract payments are expected to come forward to the office of the South African Reserve Bank for proper identification as the recognized beneficiary.However, payment guidelines permits beneficiaries to observe their final signing via any of the following options.
The Government of my country in accordance with the South African Reserve Bank has a new provision in the constitution of my country, where by a foreign contractor that is unable to come to South Africa for authentification and Verification on health grounds can be exempted and allowed to use any of their offshore Centers across the globe ,that is operational as at the time of request.
This option, you can apply for your money to be paid through any of their affiliate Finance/Security Company.
On approval of the application by S.A.R.B, the funds will be transferred and confirmed within 72 hours after the endorsement exercise is completed. We will arrange to be with you after you have confirmed to us that the money is in your account for disbursement as initially stated.
We will be ready to share the money as soon as it is wire-transferred into your nominated account. However, if you decide to help us supervise our investment plan, we will appreciate this and discuss your payment for it. I dare to say that it is because of the unbridled corruption going on in my country that this project is possible. If we must succeed, then we must all summon the courage needed to bring this project to fruition. My colleagues and I have been working out the modalities for two years and all is in place to achieve our goal. You must therefore be ready to assist us hole heartedly.
Full audit report will normally be sent with the wire-transfer papers to your bank from the S.A.R.B. This will handle source and application of the incoming money and explain all tax details to your revenue service. So you do not need to worry about discussing with your bankers for now. At the right time I will ask you to inform them.
Please Garland,you should try your best possible to send me the following information immediately,so that we can state up the procedures.Full names and profile( address,age, marital status etc.), Company name and address,Confidential tel. and fax numbers and your banking information.
However, you can present a new account or a zero base account for the purpose of this transaction.I assure you that if you maintain the required confidentiality, the project will be successfully concluded. It is our hopes that you will be instrumental in assisting us achieve our dreams.
I look forward to your urgent response
This communication is intended ONLY for the use of the person or entity named above and may contain formation that is confidential or legally privileged. If you are not the intended recipient named above or a person responsible for delivering messages or communications to the intended recipient, YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED that any use, distribution, or copying of this communication or any of the information contained in it is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by email and then destroy or delete this communication, or return it to us by mail if requested by us.Thanks you for your attention and cooperation
Holy Jesus in a sweatsuit. Blah-blah-blah. I can’t be bothered to read all that. I just want my cash. I send him a curveball.
No, standing is hard. I’ve been falling over and most of my fingers are numb. It took me hours just to write this.
I fear the wurst.. as well as other meat in tubes.
The next day, a reply.
Please Garland,let me know your interest in this transaction of mutual benefit by acknowledging receipt of my mail.
Best regards and God bless,
Dude. I’m interested. Just quit with the blah-blah-blah. Tell me what you need.
Yer sir, I received your e-mail. I don’t quite understand what is needed from me as I’ve never done business of this number overseas.
I’m still quite interested in helping you.
Mr Germy Garlands
Dear Germy Garlands,
Thank you for yourb interest in this transaction of mutual benefit.Please Garland,you should try your best possible to send me the following informations immediately so that we can start up the procedures. Full names and profile( address,age, marital status etc.), Company name and address,Confidential tel. and fax numbers and your banking information.
I am expecting your soonest response.
See, wasn’t that easier then sending me a novel to read? I’m a busy man with things to do. Sadly, I hint to Dr Steve I might have a few issues.
I don’t understand. Who are you again?
Dear Germy Garlands,
Please Germy Garlands,let me know your interest in this transaction by sending your detail information,please is very important you respond to this mail.
Oh yeah. I remember you now. You’re Dr Steve with my 5 million buck-a-roonies.
Of course baby. I’m in! Take me to the river and chuck me in the water.
We have a saying here – “Let’s put this blimp in the water and fish the doggy”.
Talk to me baby.
What? Do I sell used cars for a living now? Heh.
Dear Mr Germy Garlands,
Thanks for your response sir,what I need from you now is your company name and address,personal names and telephone and fax nos in the advent that you don’t have a company name we would use your name in forming one as it would need to be registered here in South africa with this information we would now apply to the relevant authorities for the remitance of the funds,it doesn’t matter if you have any experience in internation business or not we would process the transfer with the above information.
Take not the account you would provide need not have more than $10 in it in as much as it can accomodate the funds.
So please forward the above information urgently and I look forward to doing this transaction with you.
Dr Steve Khoza
I let Dr Steve stew for a few days, then send this.
Plese excuce my absent as I was in the hosbital havng water draineed from me brain. This has ben and ogoing prolem of mine from when I was an child and it sometines efects my mottor sklis and comprhention. You are doctor so I sure your understance my problan completedly.
I still recover at the moment, but are getting beeter avery day.
Here is the infornations you requesting.
Name- Mr Germy Garland
Addres- xxx SW Place, Seattle Washington 98102
Telephone – 206-xxx-5521
Fax – same
I look forward to continue busines with your and expacet repy very soon.
Am very sorry about your health condition and wish you a speedy recover,however could you please send your company name or we would register your name as a company here in South Africa.
I tried you telephone line yesterday but it would not go through would try and call you again today.
Dr Steve Khoza
Dumb ass, I didn’t answer because I was having water drained from the brain. Time to see how moral our good doctor is.
Please set up the business name as my name. What do you need from me next?
Also, do you have a timeline on when I’ll have access to my part of the funds? It seems my medical insurance isn’t going to pay for a brain operation I need next month. I’ve only managed to tuck away about $5000 in savings which isn’t going to cover the operation (the operation will be around $50,000). To put it quite frankly, our arrangement is going to save my life. I don’t know what I would do if you hadn’t come along.
His reply (not so moral I guess).
Please Germy,i have tried to call the phone number 206-xxx-5521 you sent to me but i couldn’t get through on different times.
Please Germy,get serious and let us know what we are doing.
I’m serious dude. Let’s put this blimp in the water and see what makes the doggie tick.
i am tro say so mcuh for the sorry. lat nigh my situasun deteroratteded! it hav for ony watr on bran but tumr the size of dollly pardns left teet. it sneed sork on for it nw.
plds tel me wat i need to do for money as i ned it now!
Uh oh. No reply from Dr Steve. I better send another.
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Fuck dude! I need my brain removed like NOW! I need my five million bucks to pay for it. Give me my money beoutch!
ples cal me now. i hav no time lft.
I guess I took that a bit too far and Dr Steve lost interest. One more email to make him feel guilty.
Sorry Steve, you’re out of luck. I’d like to do business with you but I just received this:
FROM THE DESK OF: MR.WANG QIN HANG SENG BANK LTD. DES VOEUX RD.BRANCH CENTRAL HONG KONG HONG KONG.
I am Mr.Wang Qin, credit officer of Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.
On June 6, 1998, a British Oil consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation, Mr. Smith Lawrence made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at $48,000,000.00 (Forty-Eight Million American Dollars only) in my branch. Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Hong Kong Solid Minerals Corporation that Mr. Smith Lawrence died from an auto-mobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL,and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr.Smith Lawrence did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents,including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of $48,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.
According to Laws of Hong Kong, at the expiration of (five) years,the money will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the fund. Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Smith Lawrence so that the fruits of this old man’s labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.
This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer.
A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide the will, then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 70% for me and 25% for you and 5% for Expenses Incurred in the course of the transaction.
There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and with my position as the credit officer guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately to my email box. Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction.
Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. You should observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.
For confidentiality Reasons, I advice that to respond strictly to this email address: Awaiting your response. Regards, Wang Qin Reply Strictly to: firstname.lastname@example.org
That’s right sucka.
I got TWELVE MILLION BUCKS waiting for me in Hong Kong! I’m all over this business deal like fish in shoes…….