Soon to follow on Ampcast was a shoutcast server for streaming radio shows live. A handful of us started doing weekly radio shows. There was often a live chat during the shows for listener interaction. It was really rather cool.

At first I couldn’t commit to a scheduled weekly show so I called mine Viking Raid Radio. I’d do shows at odd times or after other scheduled shows. This is where the name “raid” came in. I’d grab the shoutcast stream and just go with it.

There were a few other popular shows at the time. There was Blue Water Drift Dive hosted by Darrell (AKA “Palancar”) and Das Musik hosted by Mike (AKA “DJ Fony”). Scott Turner was doing Lo Fat Radio. Frank Cotolo had a show as well as a few other people I can’t remember right now.

We started making little promo’s for each other and for Ampcast radio. I think it was a fellow named Nick who started the DJ “doll” concept – that is taking a recording of the DJ talking and using it for mischievous purposes.

He submitted this little gem for the Das Musik show (with Mike/DJ Fony clips).

I ran with the idea and created a bunch of clips of Mike talking and had “him” co-host my show.

The music we played was all stuff we found on Ampcast. Each week I’d spend a few hours digging through the site and I’d select a handful of tracks to highlight. One time digging though Ampcast I found a “band” called Filipina Babe. It was a bunch of tracks of a woman with a heavy Filipino accent talking dirty. There were a couple free samples and she expected you to buy the others for a buck each. They (at least the free ones) were incredibly bad.

We were talking about it in chat one night during a Blue Water Drift Dive show. Darrell was reading some of our chat comments on the air. There were so many good lines I decided to make DJ Palancar Doll Meets Filipina Babe.

Before Ampcast I made a few cartoons called Sam the Action Man. They were based on a message board troll (of the same name) that used to crack me up. Later, Sam turned into a character named “Samuel 14″ – a messed up garden variety psychotic who made some of the worst music I could come up with. There was one called Baby’s Marimba Nightmare which was a 20 minute soundscape of chainsaws, baby cries and marimba music. Another was called Wiggles Wants Touchy which was 20 minutes of a drum beat that would pause every 45 seconds for a computer voice that said “wiggles wants touchy” (I must find these and put them on-line). Every now and then these tracks would find their way on an Ampcast show.

Anyway,.. now I’m armed with a bunch of clips of Darrell talking about buttplugs and other odds and ends so decided to compile them into a skit called Behind The Buttplug (based on VH1′s old show Behind the Music).

I don’t know how this came about but Scott Turner made an ending for a Das Musik show. It is almost 10 minutes long and drones on and on.. it cracks me up every time I hear it.

This is a general Ampcast radio promo I made.

Nick created this one for Viking Raid Radio.

Here is a promo I did for Viking Radio Radio in the style of a monster truck ad.

I did three promos based on pharmaceutical ads.

Here is the promo I made when my show got a new time slot.

Dr. Elena Bodnar has invented a convertible bra/gas mask called The Emergency Bra. In the event of a nasty airborne particle emergency you simply remove the bra, remove one of the cups, and wrap it around your face. Instant gas mask. You can share the other cup with a friend if you like.

The Emergency Bra is a protective garment that can easily be transformed into two respiratory face masks in case of an emergency.

It can reduce health consequences of accidents involving harmful airborne particles, such as those released by fire, explosion, terrorist, radiological, biological attack, and natural disasters.

It is important to understand that the Emergency Bra is first and foremost a beautiful piece of lingerie.

This of course has room for tomfoolery. Imagine if these get popular. Men will start shouting “NASTY AIRBORNE PARTICLE EMERGENCY” in the sub stations just to watch the ladies take their bras off.

Listing: Saturday evening about 6:00 you were in line in front of me at Safeway with broccoli and pizza and had the prettiest face! We chatted a bit about pizza and then I got a call from my friend canceling our plans for the night.

I wanted so bad to say Hey, how about you and I hang out but didn’t Then as I walked to my car you drove by in your saturn (red I think) maybe blue, and smiled at me again.

I cant stop thinking about you, your eyes, your smile… you are so friggin sexy!
Lets hook up? Email me

Hi.
Yeah. I remember you. Weird.

-J

P.S. The pizza was delightful by the way.

Wow, how weird is that! This is the first posting I’ve ever put in missed connections and you read it!!!
So would that have been odd if I had said Hey lets go eat and have drinks! Would you have joined me? Apparently pizza might be a good bribe
How old are you, do you live in west oly as well?
write back

No. I won’t have gone. I had pizza to eat. LOL

-J

nice! lol… hmm, well maybe someday when you dont have pizza or wine we could bump into eachother somewhere again?
any ideas? what do you like? besides, well pizza

I’d rather not bump into you (or any one) because I might drop my stuff.

-J

But if your stuff consisted of 318 superballs it could be quite fun…

Don’t be silly. There is no way I could hold 318 superballs. What would I be doing with 318 superballs anyway? That makes no sense.

unless of coarse we threaded them together like popcorn strings for christmas trees and made a bouncy scarf thing or one piece bikini for you!

I’d look pretty damn silly in a bikini! My junk would fall out.

Want to meet this weekend? That is, only if you promise to wear that mini skirt you were wearing the other night.

-J

YOUR JUNK? i wasnt wearing a miniskirt. im a guy!

Oh. Wow. Awkward.
That must have been two different people who ran into each other in Safeway.

In any case, how do you look in a miniskirt? Are we still on for this weekend?

FUCK OFF!

I’ll buy some superballs.

FUCK YOU DICK!!!!!

Listing: On Tuesday 9/6: You were in your red pick up with a straw cowboy hat on. We made eye contact and smiled as we passed by each other. You have a beautiful smile. I’d love to know your name…

Elton. My name is Elton.

can you tell me what what color car i was driving so i know this is you and not a hoax….

Sorry. I have Protanopia.
It was funny finding each other though on the interweb.

Next time I’ll get out of my truck.

-Elton.

ha ha nice try

You looked pretty but I guess you’re kind of a bitch.
I don’t like people who judge others by their birth defects – so I’m not interested in you one bit. Why don’t you go make fun of midgets now or something.

-Elton

(a few hours later…)

So. Want to go out sometime? I’ll wear dark sunglasses so you don’t see my birth defected eyes.

-Elton.

sorry. if i have no way to know that it is you than i cant say that i want to go out. what can you tell me about me, my vehicle and the encounter and if you describe it right, then i will know you are not pulling my leg….

You had light colored hair. You drove a VW. I waved at you and gave you a wink. You waved back.

That’s all I remember.

-Elton

you are thinking of someone else cause thats not me and i dont drive a VW— have a nice day!

So if you aren’t you then who am I? Does that mean I’m not the man in the red truck? This whole thing is getting weird and I’m starting to get a complex.

We now know you weren’t the girl I saw but how can we not be sure I’m the man you saw? If you are so sure you saw me, what was I listening too in my car?

-Elton.

i dont know.

AH HA!!!

You didn’t see me either!

I just want to set the record straight. I think what you’re doing is very very wrong.

-Elton

So you want to be a contestant on Wipeout? Here is a little behind the scenes on the show. In late August of 2010 I interviewed Patti Negri who was a contestant for Season 3 of Wipeout. She gives us the lowdown on the Big Balls.

Seven: What was the casting like? What was the process?

Patti: It was really organized as “big casting calls” go. Not too long of a wait. Set appointment times. Nice staff & casting people. They get an A+ for everything involved! We did have to fill out about 30 pages of background information – but that is how ALL shows are now with security issues, etc.

Seven: Did they seem more interested in people that would make good TV or people that could finish the course in record time?

Patti: They definitely want people who will make good TV over finishing the course (though I am sure they want those too of course – but they probably KNOW that those people will audition). It is all about your personality and your angle or gimmick. The first and most important thing they want you to do on camera is your “battle cry” and what nickname you will go by! There is no physical testing at all. You DO have to go through a full medical exam with a doctor once you are picked – including drug testing.

Seven: How many people were at the audition?

Patti: There were about 6 people ahead of me and a steady stream of people coming in and leaving. The auditions were REALLY well organized so it moved really fast and was fun. They were very respectful of us and our time – which doesn’t always happen on auditions.

Building Season 3 Wipeout set: Going clockwise from the top - The Qualifier, The Double-Cross, Bruiseball, the changing round 3 Eliminator and at the bottom is the Wipeout Zone. The white buildings to the left are the trailers, crew buildings and video studio.

Seven: What were the months this happened? When was the casting call and when did you run the course?

Patti: I auditioned in Nov of 2009 I think (cant remember exactly). They called me in early January 2010 and set up my physical, etc. We shot in late January 2010 when it was really, REALLY cold and rainy. I think we were one of the last few episodes taped for season 3.

Seven: So what did you do during your audition that made you stand out?

Patti: At the audition they ask you what your “nickname” will be and they have you do your battle cry. What made me stand out is that I told them I am a witch (nickname Witchy Woman for the show) and that I would call in the powers of the universe and mother nature to help me do the course. Then I did a big, loud and very committed chant and magical incantation. Left them speechless. When they called to move me forward in the process (medical testing, etc) they said they had never had a witch or someone do a spell before. They want high energy, 150% commitment and originality.

Seven: So you arrive to the set in January. What’s the process? Do you walk the course? Do you get prepped in safety procedures?

Patti: The first thing they do is put you in our big group trailer and explain the basics. I think the only real safety procedures they talked about were that we HAVE to wear huge ankle braces they supply and wearing wet suits were our choice for the qualifier round. Then they took us out and showed us the course in person and explained the obstacles (gulp!) Of course they DIDN’T tell us about the surprise paint or foam that would hit us on most of the obstacles. They took the group photo and we went back to trailer.

3rd from the left is Patti

They started taking us out for our individual interviews and then back to the trailer until your turn to do the course. They had “protein” breakfast for us and brought us a healthy lunch and they took us one at a time to the course. Very tense waiting.

When we were all done we waited for our scores and told which of us had the qualifying times to move to next round. Those of us who didn’t went home. It was still a very full day. We got there around 6 AM and didn’t leave until mid/late afternoon – and we were the EARLY dis-qualifiers. I can imagine how long a day for the ones that make it to the Wipeout Zone! A great day all around – even if I had to get up at 4 AM and leave before 5 AM to get there.

Seven: You did your interview with Jill. Is she as nice as she seems in person?

Patti: Yes, she is very nice – though the rain really WAS getting to everybody (crew, cast, contestants!) Since I was a witch, she asked me to do a love spell for John Henson. Which I did on tape. And… thank you very much… since then he has gotten married to a GREAT girl! They did not air that part. I am sure because my episode aired well after he got married and they like to keep a sense of timeliness.

Seven: Did you meet the Johns? Are the Johns even on set at that point or do they do their part later?

Patti: The Johns were not there while I was there. I think they come later in the day for the finals. I do know John Henson a little bit. He is a neighbor and a truly great guy. He had no idea that I applied or got on his show. He called me the night before my taping about a completely different subject and I told him I was doing Wipeout the next day. He couldn’t believe it and thought I was crazy! I asked for any pointers and he said something REALLY funny (cant remember what – but pertaining to “good luck, you will need it!”). He texted me while on set and sympathized over the horrible weather we had to compete in. It was sweet.

Seven: What were the other contestants like?

Patti: Since this was the first “all girls” episode – we were REALLY supportive of each other – cheered when each girl came back. You are not allowed to see or watch when the other contestants are doing their run (nor can you talk about it when you get back – or give away the “secrets” of what happens out there).

Seven: Any super competitors with money on their mind or was it mostly people looking to have a good time and they MIGHT win the prize?

Patti: Yes, of course I think people wanted to win and win the money/prize – so they “gave it their all” when on the course – but in the trailer it was one for all and all for one!

Seven: Ok. Now the questions everyone wants to know about. The pain—errr– I mean the course. I understand you made it through the qualifier but were not in the top 12. What were the elements in your qualifier and what can you tell us about them? Are they quite soft or when you whack your face on them or does it hurt?

Patti: Soft? ….. SOFT??? hahaha – they were anything but soft! They really were heavy pieces of metal, very lightly padded and covered with bright color vinyl. The vinyl was very slippery (especially in the rain) so even when you were running on flat surfaces to get to the next obstacle you had to fight to keep from falling off the bridge (or whatever). Think of the swinging bars like getting hit in the face by the hard bench seat of an old 66 Ford Truck. That about sums it up!

The first obstacle I had to do was the tipping pedestal things (can’t remember their name right now) I really didn’t know it tipped when you landed on the end of it – so I hit the water on the second column. I had to climb up and do the second set – again hitting the water – just not as fast this time. Even the ladder to climb back up is hard to climb since you are in shock from hitting the icy water for the first time moments before.

Patti vs The Tipping Pedestal Things

Then it was the sucker punch wall – where the “squirting your face with paint” was unexpected – so you are pretty much blind when you try to cross that wall. Then you get your first trip into the mud. It is cold, gritty, rocky, thick and the weirdest thing I have ever been in in my life!

Then on to the big balls. They are really big, high and scary in person. I didn’t wait to be “motivated” by the motivator so I just went for it. Made it through two balls before hitting the water I think.

Patti and the Big Balls

Then I had to swim and climb up to the swinging bars / trampoline thing. That was the scariest thing in the world – not to mention they spray you with foam as you climb up to it so you are (again) blind! That’s where there are huge metal swinging bars with trampolines in between you are supposed to use to jump over the bars. I took a nose dive on that one pretty fast I think.

Lots of swimming in icy water when you get knocked in since you have to make it across each pool.

I made it to the red finish circle in about 8 and a half minutes. They give you up to 10 minutes to make it. If you don’t make it in 10 they stop you. I think everyone made it that day! Fun times.

Seven: So there you are; cold, wet, and battered. They take your picture on the red circle and then cart you back to the trailer? Are there showers for you to use?

Patti: Yes, there ARE showers. Little trailers with showers (everything is trailers out there – we are in the middle of nowhere!) Sadly, considering it was freezing, the hot water was sparse. At best you got moments of warm or lukewarm to cold then back to warm again. But, the funniest and roughest part is, since they are trailers, there is very little water pressure. You have mud, grit, dirt, sand, rocks, foam and gunk in every part of your being and every orifice! Just trying to get your tennis shoes and clothes rinsed off, let alone your hair and body, is kind of an exercise in futility. Almost as hard as the course… okay, maybe not anywhere NEAR that hard.

Seven: Do they advise you bring a change of clothes? Heh heh.

Patti: Yes, I do think they advised you to bring a change of clothes for your drive home!

Seven: Do you get any compensation for just being a contestant (like union rate pay). Did you receive any souvenirs? A t-shirt or something that says “Smacked in the face by big balls”? Perhaps a Wipeout certificate? A video of your complete run? DVD of the show? Anything?

Patti: Nope. You are the one person who gets $50,000 or you go home with nothing. No compensation, no certificate, no ball cap, tee shirt or anything. (They are missing out on a BIG marketing possibility there!) You CAN buy photos of yourself which are made available to you the day your show airs. Pricey – $25 per 8 x 10 (smallest size avail) per picture – but you can also download low resolution pictures for $5 each. I, of course, bought them all for that. I am sure most people do. You work that hard to get on a show, you want photos of it!

Seven: Sounds like a fun *cough*painfull*cough* time. Thanks for doing the interview.

If after reading that you still want to be a contestant on Wipeout, visit abc.go.com/site/casting and follow their directions. Good luck. Let me know how it goes.

About Patti Negri: Los Angeles born and raised, Patti has been involved in interactive entertainment as long as she can remember. She has a production company called Brain Brew Entertainment. As a performer Patti has enjoyed numerous stage, film, and television roles, and has had the honor of working with such actors as Martin Sheen, Burt Reynolds, Jon Voight, Chevy Chase and Sylvester Stallone. She has danced with Gregory Hines, choreographed for David Hasselhoff and entertained famous celebrities on scavenger hunts, photo safari’s and toga murder mysteries across the Greek Islands. Her background includes improv and sketch comedy – performing at the top LA comedy clubs and touring nationally. Recently she has been heard on national radio doing seances for Adam Corolla on 97.1 FREEFM and Sirius Radio’s FACTION with Jason Ellis. Patti can also be seen performing with her pup Dora on the Emmy award winning Dogumentary “A Point of View” and the film “Paint Job”. Patti has two upcoming episodes of Pit Boss airing this month on Animal Planet and just finished shooting the upcoming “Halloween episode” of Private Chefs of Beverly Hills on the Food Network.

A big believer in thinking globally and acting locally, Patti is committed to helping her planet from the ground up. She is a community activist, is president of her local neighborhood association. She has also been a spokesperson for the CDC (Center for Disease Control) on a national consumer health information campaign for DES exposure and is president of the board of directors of DES Action, a national, non-profit organization that provides research, education and support for DES-exposed individuals and their families. www.desaction.com. Patti lives blissfully in the Hollywood Hills with her drummer husband Kerry Crutchfield — www.hollywooddrumshow.com.

I wanted chili tonight for dinner but I had never made chili from scratch. I whipped up a pot of this and liked it so much I thought I’d write the recipe down.

2 cans Pinto Beans
2 cans Navy Beans
1 Can Kidney Beans
1 pound beef
2 red onions
1 jalapeño pepper
2 large cans diced tomato
1 green pepper

2 T. corn meal
1 T. flour
5 T. chilli powder
1 T. cumin
1/4 cup dried onion
2 T. dried garlic
2 T. powered beef bullion
1 T dried red pepper
some salt
a few dashes of Tabasco

I put it together the regular way. Brown the beef, drain it. Cut up the onions and other stuff and add that to the beef. A few dashes of Tabasco, cook for a bit. Add the rest of the stuff and cook it for a few hours. Pretty simple.

I like using a little dried onion because I think it ads a bit of kick. You can do without it. The salt can be omitted as well depending on the beef bullion (some contains a fair amount of salt).

Dump the mess in a bowl, top it with cheese if you like, eat.

So there you go. If you try it let me know what you think.

P.S. I don’t know who the guy eating chili is. I just found it on google and thought it was funny.

Roland has a nice line of mesh head electronic drums with their V-Drum line. The top of the line at the moment is the 10 inch PD-125SX dual trigger pad – which costs a whopping $429. It’s a nice trigger but I don’t need the dual zone. it’s also only 10 inches. I’d rather have a full side snare of 12 or 14 inches.

So let’s build one.

Considering I don’t need anything special for a drum shell, I scoured Craigslist for an old snare drum. I found a couple but nothing as cheap as a brand new Sonar snare for $40.

Brand new Sonar snare for $40

The other things I’ll need are;

1.) Snare stand – about $50
2.) One Piezoelectric 35 mm element – 65 cents at the local electronic shop.
3.) A bit of wire and shrink tube – a buck or two.
4.) One 1/4 inch mono phone jack – $1
5.) 3 metal “L” mounts – $1 each
6.) Some foam. I used the ridged foam from a sanding block – $1.29
7.) Fibreglass screen door mesh – $10
8.) Double sided tape – About $3-4
9.) A 5/16th carriage bolt, a few nuts and washers – $5
10.) 3mm beading wire (found in the arts/crafts section of a store) – $2

Let’s try and put this thing together.

The Drum Shell

I removed the skins and hoops....

...and pulled off the snare strainer. I won't be using this on the electronic drum so I'll pack this away for another project.

The idea is to mount the Piezoelectric element under the centre of the drum skin (which I’ll do with the carriage bolt and washers). I’ll need to cut a piece of wood to mount this on. I set the drum shell on a piece of paper and figured out where I want to put my “L” brackets. I traced around the whole thing.

Tracing the shell and brackets.

This is what I have to work with.

A few squiggly lines and I have a template for my wood mount.

To make things easy I’m going to use the lug mount screws to hold my “L” brackets. no need to drill extra holes or use other screws.

Mounting the "L" brackets

All three brackets are in.

My wood mount is cut and spray painted silver. I painted it silver because I noticed a can of silver paint when I was cutting it out. If I had some black paint, it would have been black.

A few wood screws on the underside to hold it in place.

This is the bolt/washer contraption I came up with to hold the piezo in place. The carriage bolt and locking nuts give me some flexibility in the hight and allow me to adjust it later. The washers on the top are held with 3M double-sided tape.

The Electronic Bits

The electronics are really quite simple. One piezo is wired directly to a phono jack. The piezo acts as the trigger. You can not mount the piezo directly to the drum skin or it would be damaged. A bit of foam is placed between the piezo and the skin to transfer the energy of the drumstick hitting the skin to the piezo.

Looking on-line I found several people using different products to transfer the energy. Several people mention using the foam found in sanding blocks. On my trip to the hardware store I looked at various foam products that could be used (pipe insulation, ridged insulation, etc) and the sanding block foam seemed to be a fairly good and cheap choice. I decided to give it a shot.

My I wired up my piezo to a standard 1/4 mono phono jack. I added a bit of heat shrink tubing to keep things tidy.

I didn’t think it would matter which way the piezo was wired so I tested it both ways.. it didn’t seem to matter.

The 35 mm Piezo and 1/4 phone jack.

Wired together. I ended up having to change to another style phono plug. You'll see why in a moment.

I’m going to need a place to mount my phono plug. My first thought was the air vent already in place on the snare drum.  The drum shell was too thick for my phono plug to poke through and fasten the nut in place. What I needed was a nice faceplate.

Oh look! A nice faceplate!

I unscrewed the faceplate, flipped it over, and bent it so it curved with the drum. I drilled a hole under where the faceplate would sit and drilled another hole in the faceplate for the phono plug. Due to the thickness of the drum shell and the size of the faceplate, I swapped out my instrument standard phono plug for another style which wasn’t quite as wide. It fit perfectly.

Phono plug mounted on the faceplate

Now it is time to mount the piezo and foam. I cut the sand paper bits off the foam and cut a block about one inch square. I tapered it a little so it was smaller at the top. I adjusted the piezo mount so the foam block was just over the rim horizon.  Then everything got mounted with double-sided tape.

The piezo element fixed on the mount with double-sided tape.

Foam block mounted on the piezo with double-sided tape.

Building the mesh skin and putting it back together

I’m going to use several layers of fibreglass screen mesh for my drum skin. Two layers will be sewn to a ring and two layers will be held in place over that with the hoop.

I'll use the ring from the skin which came with the snare. Let's just cut that thing off.

Two layers of screen are sewn to the ring with 3mm beading wire.

The new 2 layer mesh skin is fitted on the shell...

...and two more layers are placed on top.

The hoop is put on and tightened. I then trimmed away the extra fibreglass screen.

I wanted the bottom hoop on the snare. The lower skin made a bit of noise when I hit the top skin so I cut a few holes in it and dampened it with felt.

And that’s all there is to that…

One finished, full size, electronic snare pad.

I did a bounce test (dropping a drum stick on the skin) comparing this drum to my regular snare drum. The bounce back is pretty much the same.

I hooked this pad up to my Roland TD-5 and it worked well. I had to up the sensitivity just a little but it plays perfectly.

Today I picked up a copy of Pandorum in the discount Blu-ray bin. I’ve seen the DVD cover before but didn’t give it much thought or knew what it was about. I scan the back cover. It reads;

“It’s pitch black on an abandoned ship 500 miles from earth. For crew members Corporal Bower (Ben Foster) and Lt. Payton (Dennis Quaid) an unflinching vision of terror is about to be unleashed.”

“500 miles from earth” puts that ship about twice the distance from earth as the International Space Station. So it is a movie about a ship in earth’s orbit?

Nope.

After watching it I find its a movie about a ship in deep space on a 123 year mission going towards another earth-like planet.

Oops. I guess they mean 500 really long space miles.

Other than that, the movie was about as intelligent. For a sci-fi horror flick it wasn’t bad I guess. Pretty basic stuff. A couple of nice twists but not good enough to turn it from “meh” to “wow”. Well worth the couple bucks in the discount movie bin though.